Should Siblings Get the Same Allowance? A Parent's Guide to Fairness
One of the most common allowance debates: should brothers and sisters get the same amount, or scale by age? Learn how to handle the "that's not fair" conversation without losing your mind.
"That's not fair!" If you have more than one kid, you've heard those three words about allowance somewhere between fifty and five thousand times. And every time, you've stood there trying to figure out the right answer in real time, while your 9-year-old explains why she should get exactly what her 12-year-old brother gets and your 12-year-old explains why he should get triple.
The allowance-for-siblings question is one of the trickiest in family money parenting. Get it right and it teaches your kids about fairness, age, and earned trust. Get it wrong and it becomes a years-long source of resentment.
Why This Matters to Us as Parents
Sibling fairness isn't just about money—it's about how each child sees their place in the family. When kids feel like the allowance system is unfair, that feeling doesn't stay with allowance. It spreads. They start counting other things: who got the bigger slice of cake, who got to stay up later, who got more attention. The opposite is also true: when allowance feels fair, kids stop counting and start trusting. That trust is worth far more than the few dollars at stake.
The Two Main Approaches
Most families fall into one of two patterns:
Equal Allowance Across All Kids: Every child gets the exact same dollar amount regardless of age. Most common reasoning: "We don't play favorites in this family."
Pros: Eliminates fairness arguments. Simple to administer. Feels morally clean.
Cons: A 6-year-old and a 12-year-old genuinely have different needs and capabilities. The 12-year-old may resent being lumped with their little sibling. The 6-year-old may have more money than they know what to do with.
Age-Scaled Allowance: Each child's allowance is tied to their age, often using the popular "$1 per year of age per week" formula or something similar. A 6-year-old gets $6/week; a 12-year-old gets $12/week.
Pros: Matches needs to age. Older kids can save for bigger things. Feels intuitive.
Cons: Younger siblings will absolutely notice and complain. Requires explaining "fair vs. equal" repeatedly.
Fair Is Not the Same as Equal
This is the conversation worth having early and often with your kids: fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same amount; fair means everyone gets what they need.
An analogy that works for most kids: imagine a 5-year-old and a 12-year-old both need shoes. Do you buy them the exact same shoes in the exact same size? Of course not—that wouldn't fit either of them. You buy each what fits their actual feet. Money works the same way. A 5-year-old doesn't need $12 a week. A 12-year-old has bigger expenses (gifts for friends, school activities, larger goals).
Most kids—even young ones—can grasp this concept when it's framed this way. Not all of them will love it. But they can understand it.
Real-World Example
The Reyes family has three kids: Sofia (12), Lucas (9), and Mateo (5). Their parents tried equal allowance ($5/week each) for two years, but Sofia complained constantly that she couldn't afford anything her friends were doing, while Mateo kept losing his money in couch cushions because he had nothing to do with it. They switched to age-scaled: Sofia gets $10/week, Lucas gets $7, Mateo gets $4. To prevent fairness arguments, they introduced an "age milestone" system: at every birthday, your allowance goes up by $1, no matter your age. Sofia, Lucas, and Mateo all know exactly when their next raise is coming. The fairness arguments stopped almost overnight—because now the system felt predictable and equal in its rules, even when the dollar amounts differed.
The Hybrid Many Families Settle On
Some families combine both approaches:
- Base allowance: Everyone gets the same flat amount (say, $3-5/week). This is the "you're our kid and we provide" portion.
- Age bonus: Add $1 per year of age beyond a baseline (so a 5-year-old's base might be $5; a 10-year-old's adds $5 more = $10).
- Optional earnings: Older kids can earn additional money through chores beyond the base expectations. This naturally lets older kids earn more without making it feel arbitrary.
This approach makes the system feel both equal (same rules apply to everyone) and fair (older kids' increased needs are recognized).
What to Do When "That's Not Fair!" Comes Up
It will come up. Here's how to handle it without losing your mind:
- Acknowledge the feeling, not necessarily the demand: "I hear that you wish you got more. That makes sense—nobody likes getting less than their sibling."
- Don't apologize for the system: If you've thought through your approach, stand by it without guilt.
- Reframe the comparison: "When you're 12, your allowance will be what your sister's is now. Right now, hers matches her age and yours matches yours."
- Don't promise to "even it up" with extra treats: That undermines the whole system and teaches kids that whining works.
- Offer paths to earn more: If they want more money, give them ways to earn it through additional chores.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
- Don't decide privately without explaining. Kids need to understand the system. If they ask "why does brother get more?" you should have a clean answer ready.
- Don't quietly give one sibling more "off the books." Kids find out everything eventually. The breach of trust isn't worth it.
- Don't tie sibling allowances to each other in a punitive way. Reducing one child's allowance to "match" their younger sibling's behavior teaches bad lessons about both money and family.
- Don't change the system every few months. Whatever you pick, stick with it for at least a year so kids can adjust and plan.
Making It Work for Your Family
There's no objectively correct answer to "should siblings get the same allowance?" Equal works for some families. Age-scaled works for others. Hybrid is what many settle on. What matters most is:
- The system is consistent and predictable
- The kids understand the reasoning
- You don't deviate when one kid complains
- There's a clear path for amounts to increase over time
Decide together as parents, explain it to the kids together, write it down somewhere they can reference, and stick with it. The system you pick matters less than your willingness to stand behind it.
About This Article
This article was written by parents building Kiddos Cash to help families teach real-world money habits through allowances, rewards, and savings goals. Our goal is to make money conversations with kids simple, positive, and practical.